Anonymous Piece on Transformation #2

This outstanding and real piece of writing was submitted by a sophomore in our Spiritual Formation Bible class...

Transformation

Often times transformation happens when you are least expecting it. Other times you can be looking for it. No matter where you find it, you can’t go through a transformation without God’s help.

Transformation is a big word…what does it mean? What does it take to under go a transformation? Only two things. A transformation takes a willing heart, and the help of God.

About five months ago I went to a Christian conference for teens in America with my youth group. Every day for the three days we were there, there would be a speaker who would share a message that kids could relate to. The third day of the conference I walked into the ballroom where the conference was being held with one of my best friends. We found our seats, and the day started the normal way, with a band playing, and then an offering. After that, a man and a woman got up on stage to do a skit. The two people were playing high school students who had never met each other, but learned a lot about one another in the few minutes they talked. The man found that the girl was cutting herself, was sexually active, and had completely given up on God, because of what a guy had done to her and how he had affected her life. The girl learned the man was a dedicated Christian. After talking with him for a little while, she started to see how different he was because of his faith and in the end of the skit; you could see a transformation beginning to take place in her life. When the skit ended the speaker got up on stage and the first things she said was: “Ladies, no guy can ever fill the hole in your heart meant for Jesus Christ.” And she began to tell her story of how she always felt so empty and tried to fill that hole with guys, but never felt right about it. She began to drink and do drugs in order to try and feel right about what she was doing with guys. She finally got so bad that she was ready to end her own life. But one day she walked into a church, and met a man there who helped her realize who she was, and how much God loved her for her, and how he would always love her even though she had made so many mistakes in her life. That day she became a Christian. She was transformed right there on the spot, and from then on she was a different person. She found Jesus, and no longer felt the need to use guys to fill that hole, because Jesus had completely taken over her life. She ended her talk with: “Remember…NOTHING can take Jesus’ place in your heart. Not guys, not girls, not ANYTHING. Jesus loves you for you. And he will always forgive you.” By the end of her speech I was in tears, and my friend was hugging me. As we walked back to the dorms we were staying at, he asked me if I wanted to talk. I said yes. So we went sat in the grass in front of the dorm and I told him my story, the reason that her speech affected me so much.

Several months before the conference my self esteem was at a resounding ZERO. I began to form my identity in whether or not guys found me attractive or if I had a boyfriend. I was starting to become anorexic because I didn’t feel good about myself. Thing after thing was happening in my life and I had almost completely given up on God. I began to cut myself to ease the pain. I wasn’t suicidal, though many thought I was and although I wasn’t sexually active, I was likely headed down that path. I was a wreck. I no longer felt God’s love for me, and was sure that if there really was a God, he would NEVER forgive me or love me. But I didn’t show what I was feeling to many people. Only a handful of my closet friends knew what was going on. So when I wasn’t with that group of friends I tried so hard to be that happy person who helped people with their problems and was completely right with God. But I wasn’t. I had on a mask so thick that I didn’t even know who I was anymore. I missed my old self, the person I used to be. Not long before this conference I had talked to my pastor and my parents and told them what was going on and I was getting help with my insecurities. Her speech reminded me so much of myself, and how I was struggling with a lot of the same things she had.

As soon as she said her closing line, that God will always love me and forgive me, I felt a sense of peace that I hadn’t felt in a long time. That moment I was transformed. I promised myself that I would no longer cut, that I would begin to live the way Christ wanted me to live, and that I would seek to find my identity in God and not guys. I didn’t want to be anorexic or upset or dependent on people for everything. I realized that I needed to rely on God. I wanted that to be my life. I wanted to live for God and not care what anyone else thought about me. But without God’s help, and the want in my life for a change, where would I be today? I probably would have been anorexic, been cutting, and not have been in a relationship with God. Instead, I’m not anorexic, I haven’t cut in months, and I actually look forward to and want to grow in my faith. I’m not trying to say I’m perfect. I still have insecurities just like most other teenage girls, but I was definitely changed. I would never be where I am today without God’s help. He gave me the want in my life for a transformation. If anyone ever has issues with a girl, or guy, or the way they look, just remember that you can’t fill the whole in your life meant for Jesus Christ with anything but Him. If he gives you the opportunity for a transformation, don’t pass it by. If God puts a want in your heart for a change don’t ignore the feeling. It will benefit you for the rest of your life, and you WILL be a much happier person.

Transformation can happen when you least expect it. But the only way you can truly transform is if you have a heart that wants to change, and if you have the help of God. If everyone experienced a transformation people would be much better off. And when you think of all those people who have already gone through a transformation, you have to remember that all the credit goes to God.